DIG

I really need to get on isis and figure out my schedule after the whole advertising principles catastrophe. I miss my friends. Im ready for everyone to get back. School doesn't start for another two weeks though so it's gonna be awhile.
I can't wait for dallas and going out and especially seeing the hogs play! It's gonna [hopefully] be awesome!

I hung out with Reed again last night. I get to the bar and he immediately acts in a bad mood because he doesnt feel like he can run around with me there. I'm like " how lame do you really think i am?" So we leave and go back to my house. Then I cry and beg for him to take me back for the millionth time. I kick my own ass everytime I do this. But, I can't help it. Or I guess I can, but I don't like keeping my feelings inside. I like to talk things to death. I can tell he really needs his space though. I'm tired of him playing the nice guy card though.

Jade said something that really made me think the other day though. She was all " I need someone to boss me around, I don't want to be the boss." She is so right. We are a lot alike [read: bossy]. I really think the next go round with whoever it may be, I'm gonna need them to be more on the bossy side.

WTF? I dont even know.

"So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone."

Jealousy

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without jealousy. I don't think I am a necessarily jealous person. However, there are certain attributes someone may have that I don't think I have and it sometimes seems to be the only thing I can focus on. I want to be a good writer, I want to have better grades, I want to be prettier, more interesting, etc etc. 

God, how pathetic can you be. Apparently pretty. I have such a great family and friend base but sometimes I want to be able to branch out more and explore other things I could be interested. It's harder to write about myself than I thought. This has alot to do with Reed, too. I miss him so much. We are sleeping together, which deep down I know is stupid, because I can just tell he is fucking over me. He says he is not.. that he still has feelings for me and he's confused, but even being out with him last night put me in bitch mode. I try to have fun and just enjoy the physical aspects of hanging out, but i want him to WANT to hang out with me. 

I am so ready to get out of this funk and stop feeling sorry for myself. I want to follow peoples advice about what they think is good for me. Not all the time, but alot of the times they are right. I don't want to be judged. 

I hope I can think of something positive soon.