Jealousy

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without jealousy. I don't think I am a necessarily jealous person. However, there are certain attributes someone may have that I don't think I have and it sometimes seems to be the only thing I can focus on. I want to be a good writer, I want to have better grades, I want to be prettier, more interesting, etc etc. 

God, how pathetic can you be. Apparently pretty. I have such a great family and friend base but sometimes I want to be able to branch out more and explore other things I could be interested. It's harder to write about myself than I thought. This has alot to do with Reed, too. I miss him so much. We are sleeping together, which deep down I know is stupid, because I can just tell he is fucking over me. He says he is not.. that he still has feelings for me and he's confused, but even being out with him last night put me in bitch mode. I try to have fun and just enjoy the physical aspects of hanging out, but i want him to WANT to hang out with me. 

I am so ready to get out of this funk and stop feeling sorry for myself. I want to follow peoples advice about what they think is good for me. Not all the time, but alot of the times they are right. I don't want to be judged. 

I hope I can think of something positive soon.